Scarlett's Chemical Parade

I'm BAAAAACKKK

2008-04-04T03:37:22Z

Like anyone cares XD

Anyway, yes, MyChemicalscars is finally back to share stories and rant in blogs to imaginary friends on LJ.

Good times....

So, yeah, expect new stories, new blogs, new pictures, new me! I'm not the same girl who logged in to view 17+ bandslash. I don't even like that anymore, believe it or not. I'm now into Bishonen, J-rock, Yaoi, anime, Lolita, Japan in general. I won't ever READ stories with yaoi, though... I've grown out of that. I just like drawing feminine-looking guys and painting bandmembers such as Miyavi and Die. Buuut... ya know, LJ is good for something else other than 12yearoldbandslashwritersthatmightruletheworldsomedayiftheywantto.
=)
indeed.

Welp, ttyl! I be bloggin' soon!

Potential Fanfiction of mine...

2007-09-16T23:25:30Z

Title: More than a feeling
Author:mychemicalscars
Pairing: FRANK IERO///GERARD WAY , GERARD WAY///LYN-Z , FRANK IERO///JAMIA NESTOR
Rating: PG [At first]
POV: 2nd person::Frank to Gerard
Summary: If I look hard enough I might be able to read your soul
Disclaimer: I don't own them at all; if I did, I wouldn't be on the computer right now.
Author Notes: Basically, I just wanted to throw it out here so I can put some posts up. I like posting. It makes me happy. Anyways, this is a potential fan fiction. I don't know where it's going but I do know the basic outline.
Warnings: None yet, This is just a practice run...

I look into your honey eyes, hoping if I look hard enough I might be able to read your soul. You’re still very hard to read since then, impossible maybe. I don’t know if you love me back, if you care for me at all as much as you care for her. Now, she’s what matters to you--Not me. You’ve been glaring at me the same way I’m not sure what to think. I lie to myself saying it’s a sign you just desire space but now I’m sure that isn’t the problem. I hate the way your look is blank and grim, it almost kills me just wondering if you think of me as inferior because of what I did that day. I had to do it, babe, I just had to.

Here, here

2007-09-11T22:14:24Z

MOOD::: Frankalicious!!

I have a huge crush on this one guy named Josh. The one reason I like him--Not only the looks--is because when we talk, he's so sucked into it, making me feel like he WANTS to talk to me. Today, I was happy because of it. I know it might be wrong to be happy today, I mean, We're supposed to be remembering the horrid tragedy in New York. We can't be sad though, so I feel small guilt.

Guh, I remember I was in 3rd grade the very moment it happened. The kids in the class were getting called away because of frightened parents. Unfortunately, I wasn't. Only 2-3 other students stayed in the class with Mrs.McKnight, watching and waiting for further news. It was 2001...and I still remember how we were so scared and so sad on what happened. When I went to New York during the summer of '07, I visited the twin towers work site where the building parts still remains, and I couldn't help but feel so sad. Some students there, of course from manhattan, they didn't seem bothered. In fact, they were littering and joking around, making fun of everything, acting so ignorant; I was so mad.

Enough about that, It's Josh time!

I was bored in Gym class (Even though I have it with him, because we were talking so much, the teacher immediately moved him away...Our teacher is a fucktard) So I decided to be stalkerish and describe him in the best way I can--Write a small story! But the description isn't really...accurate. He's much more beautiful XD.

~*~*~*~His white complextion is speckled with light tan freckles over his face and arms. The soft features of his mask is both intimidating but shy, stretching long and narrow. Sand is the color of his hair, standing stiff and feathered slightly upwards in a rebelious manner. There is an aquatic blue contained in those clear eyes set upon an abyss of darkness across the room by the lockers. He's picking nervously at his bottom lip, slowly, softly. The muscle on his lean body isn't dominant, but perfectly formed, showing the steps he made to an older age. He's older than me, of course. He's now smiling wide, speaking quietly to the person seated in front of him. I admire that person very much. He's mostly reticent, despite his roaring laughter and rough play with his friend he is now separated from because of it. He's separated from me because of small talk we were having. It's not fair to be away from something so divine, so attractive, I just might loathe the Gym teacher. ~*~*~*~

**Josh**

mychemicalscars @ 2007-09-07T16:35:00

2007-09-07T21:53:50Z

Awww!! Ain't that the cutest thing?! I think it's cute. It fits my mood right now. I'm totally making a deal with the godfather about joining the mafia, and when he gives me some money and some kind of liquid, I don't know what to do with it. So I shrug, also making a funny noise to match my confusion.

I can imagine Frank going: "WHHAAAA DO I DOO?" AHAHAH! CUTENESS!!

ON WITH THE WRITING AND THE BLOGGING::

Okay, I'm having like a hard time with Highschool and I really don't know when I can get done with the third chapter of my story. I'm writing a dozen others and it's...It's too much to put on this website. Mostly because I don't feel like typing it, haha.

I have a thesis to write anyways, I have a spanish project to finish, I have a vocabulary quiz, a bunch of other homework to do. IT'S CRAZY! I know it doesn't sound that hard, but believe me, IT FUCKIN' IS!! I just want rest....I just want...REST! -whines-

That's all my complaining now. Hopefully I can update the story soon. Not like anybody is reading it except a few people, that's okay though. This story is mainly for me. :)

Think happy thoughts [[2/??]]

2007-09-03T22:50:42Z

Title: Think happy thoughts
Author: Mychemicalscars
Pairing: Gerard/Frank
Rating: NC-17
POV: 3rd person
Summary: Being away at art school makes gerard miss home. Going back to Jersey where he has the best Christmas break ever, things change dramatically. Being reunited with his best friend, things certainly take a large shift.
Disclaimer: I don't own them at all, even if I did, I wouldn't be on the computer right now.
Author Notes: This story is dedicated to the love of my life, my twin, my puppy: Brianna. I love you to death, my dearest. This story is also dedicated to my #1 fan club members: Melody, Alex, Crystal, Marie, Jenn, and Moosie
Warnings: Boy love, sappy ass shit, everything that makes up a fan fiction.

::TWO::

There was a rush of excitement as Gerard packed up his duffle bag with as much clothes as he could stuff. It was Christmas time and break had started that morning. That meant a break from school, getting to see his family again in New Jersey, and finally…being with Frank again. Just thinking about it sent shivers down his spine, but he smiled inwardly.

He didn’t tell Frank that he was arriving in New Jersey that day to stay with them. He led Frank on that he had too much work in College that he couldn’t tear himself away from studying for final exams. In fact, he did study as hard as he could to pass, just so he could be with his best friend and family for 2 whole weeks without being disturbed. That’s how much I miss them, Gerard thought as he picked up his bag and headed out of his dorm room.

A throng of students roughly his age were crowding the hallways with presents under their arms and bags over their shoulders. They were leaving to see their family, too, just like him. The others were looking at them enviously, being ignorant enough to not study and do the work beforehand and now having to stay in for the 2 week period break. Somehow Gerard felt sorry for them. Even though he knew nothing about them--only their looks--he felt their pain and urge to just slam the book shut and head to the airport to see their loved ones. Gerard shook his head and looked over the crowd in front to see the long hallway to the exit was even more packed. Looking at his digital watch, he groaned and pushed past the people as much as he could. If he didn‘t hurry, he would be late for his flight. Even though relief loomed in the hallway, frustration was also key. The airport, too, was going to be packed and slow, flights might be delayed. All is a possibility to keep Gerard from being content in his own home with his little brother, mom and dad, Frank, of course. He shook his head to assure himself nothing like that would happen. He was going to visit New Jersey, have the best Christmas of his life and come back to New York, finish school and go back again and start his career.

He arrived at the airport an hour later. He held on to his duffle bag and another bag that held the presents he bought for everyone. One gift was special; so to keep it safe, he held onto that bag close, Promising himself he’ll keep it as a carry on bag to look after them all.

“Take off your shoes, jacket, and your hat, sir, and put them in the bucket to scan.” A female security guard said sternly, eyeing Gerard like he was a piece of meat. Gerard ignored her stare and obeyed, placing his shoes, jacket and hat as ordered into the blue plastic bucket on the counter. He knew why she asked him to do that, and it was peculiar because when he was leaving New Jersey, the security there was loose. Here in New York, they’ll bite your head off if you have a disposable lighter for your cigarettes. Frank and Gerard never liked that. They would always say: “Then how can we smoke right AFTER we get off the plane, huh? We’re not buying another one! Unless you‘re willing to buy it for us, yeah?”

Not noticing he was smiling to himself, he walked down passed the lady to meet the bucket of his belongings at the other end as they went through a scanner. She turns to him, obviously ignoring the other people in line and asked, “What’re you smiling’ about? Nothing’s funny here.” She grimaced at him, placing her thick hands on her hips. Gerard didn’t answer. He just picked up the bucket and went to find a place to sit.

Frank sat on his apartment couch, accompanied with his Fiancé Jamia. Her legs were comfortably on top of his thighs as she reclined backwards into the cushions. Her soft features showed she was happy and slowly drifting off into a slumber. She was disturbed by his abrupt cough.

“You sick or something?” She asked quietly.

“No…”

“Is something wrong then? You’ve been kinda down since the other day. Did Gerard tell you something?”

Frank turned his head away from Jamia and uttered a ‘no’. She looked at him, half expecting him to spill everything to her or just ignore his emotions and stay reticent.

“He’s no good, Frank. You know that, right? I mean, he’s not even coming to visit like he said he would. Personally, I never really liked him. That bad habit of yours? Came from him, huh?”

Frank quickly twisted his head around to face her, his expression showed he was angry, not even comforted by her attempt. She noticed that right away and started to regret her words.

“You know what? Fuck you! He’s my best friend and I don’t care if he doesn’t come. Because you know why? He’s in COLLEGE. That’s right! COLLEGE! Unlike you, you are just a spoiled brat that doesn’t need a college education to get a well paying job that compliments her talents. Gee actually works for what he loves. He loves drawing and creating things. HE goes to college for it. HE works his ass off to get closer to a degree so HE can get into a career he’s comfortable with. So shut the fuck up about him. And my bad habit? It was my choice, deal with it.”

“Frank Anthony Iero!” She screamed, taken aback by his outburst. “I can’t believe you said that to me!”

“I can’t believe you said that about Gerard!”

“What are you, in love with him or something?!” There was a pause. “Oh my god! Are you…What the hell?!” She stumbled off of him and the couch, looking down on him in disgust. He didn’t look back at her, giving her a good idea what everything was about.

“Frank…Are you gay?” Another pause. “Frank!! Tell me! Do you have…feelings for Gerard? Do you love him more than me?”

“DAMN RIGHT I DO, JAMIA!” He said immediately. By then he was standing up on his two feet, looking at her in as much disgust as she was looking at him in. He couldn’t believe she was doing this to after all these years, he didn’t even want to bring up that he knew she was cheating on him. He wanted this engagement to end--It had already ended a long time ago. That ring on her finger meant nothing to her, the ring on his didn’t mean anything to him either except if it was to the engagement to Gerard. He wanted Gerard, not Jamia. Frank thought about it a lot that she might’ve just been a distraction. Maybe to convince himself that he wasn’t gay or that he thought of impure thoughts of his best friend every now and then when he was alone; When he was missing him dearly.

Jamia started to cry, holding herself by crossing her arms across her small chest. She looked fragile and helpless. Her bottom lip trembled as her eyes scanned Frank, pondering on what she should say back to him.

“Oh come on! It’s not like you love me. I know you’ve been cheating on me with some…GUYS you meet at a fuckin’ bar!”

“How can you say such a thing?” Her feelings got hurt even more. Even though she knew it was slightly true, she never knew he had found out. She was never really happy with Frank. Even though he had a good sense of humor, very good-looking, nicer than any guy she ever met, there was something about him that worried her. Everything he did, including time in bed, didn’t satisfy her. That was her reason for straying, even though it wasn’t a smart one, that was her reason. But his reason for wanting this to end was Gerard.

“So…” she said to break the awkward silence between them. She stared into his hazel eyes that first captivated her when they first met. In high school, she admired those eyes that noticed her, admired the lips that said they loved her, admired the hands that comforted her and held her. Now, those eyes, lips, and hands were now distant from her grasp. And now she knew the reason they drifted away, far away from her recently.

“So what?”

“Is it over?”

Frank broke their eye contact and looked away again, crossing his arms and biting down at his bottom lip. Soon he nodded, eyes flickering at his ring finger embraced by a silver band. He unfolded his arms and slipped it off, revealing a paler color flesh compared to the rest of his finger. He held it in his hand for a moment, lost in thought. I’m sorry, Frank thought as if Jamia could hear and threw his engagement ring aside on the couch.

“I’m sorry.” that thought echoed.

“I’m sorry too, Frank. For everything.” Jamia mumbled, taking off her ring and throwing it aside also.

An hour later, she had moved out. There was no further dialogue between them as she packed her stuff. There was no goodbye or sign of regret. She was gone and Frank was left in an almost bare apartment room, stripped from every memory or trace of her.

“Frank?” A voice called out. The voice was familiar, very comforting to Frank. He twisted around to see someone he had wanted to see for a long time now. He was standing in the doorway, holding two duffle bags in one hand and a bag of snacks in the other. Automatically, Frank gasped in disbelief as he stared at the beautiful man just across the room. With uneasy legs, he stands up cautiously, not even looking away. It was almost like if he did, the man would fade away like a dream, like a shadow in the light.

He managed to utter, “Gerard…”

Gerard smiled at him, dropping his bags carelessly and walked towards him with open arms. Frank was unable to move, he just couldn’t believe he was here after all those years at college without him. He was here for Christmas; Gerard was just the present he wanted.

“Gerard!” He snapped back into reality, filling in the space between them and hugged him tight.

“Oh god! Gee, I missed you so much!” Frank exclaimed happily, fighting back his tears that were threatening to slip over the rims of his eyes. Gerard noticed him getting teary eyed when his head was cocked to the side to face him. He looks even more beautiful than the last time I saw him.

“I missed you too! That’s why I came back here for the break.” He slipped his hands to Frank’s shoulders and stretched his arms out to take a good look at him. As he mentioned, he was absolutely beautiful. He was slightly taller, lean like always but had some muscle to compliment his structure. His face was fair, probably changed a little, but in a good way. Those eyes were brighter, those plump lips even more luscious looking. Just staring at them made Gerard blush, causing him to look elsewhere and release his hold.

“You look good, Frank.” Gerard smiled, holding in an urge to kiss him. Every second that passed, the urge grows stronger. Just one kiss will make up for all the times he was away from him. It’ll fulfill his dreams and make his fantasies come to life if he just feels those pink lips once, only once is all he’s asking for. Gerard was interrupted--To his relief--By Frank:

“You do too, Gee. But I don’t feel so hot right now.”

“Why not?” Frank nodded. That was his cue to fill him in on everything that happened.

“Jamia and I aren’t together anymore. She said something about you and…and I got mad. I got pissed, actually.”

Unwanted excitement went through Gerard as he heard those words. Finally, after all these years, Frank came to his senses and broke up with Jamia. He never really liked her much and noticed her obvious loathing of him. It was always a battle between the two and the prize was indeed Frank. He never knew how much Gerard and Jamia hated each other. She would always take him away and hog him, then the same thing with Gerard. Frank just loved the attention he was getting. But now that he and Jamia are over, his mind is comfortably set on Gerard--His best friend in the world.

Show some sympathy, Gerard reminded himself. To show it, he sat Frank down on the couch again and held him tight. I wonder if this is appropriate. By then, it didn’t really matter to him. That was his way of telling Frank he cared.

“That’s something you shouldn’t get mad at, hun.” He cooed. “I can handle a little criticism from that bitc--Jamia.”

Frank tittered. “I know but…she made me realize something.” He melted into Gerard’s touch even more, nuzzling into his firm chest and laying a hand on his arm.

“What’s that?” Gerard asked in a small voice. He loved how Frank was holding him like this; Like he doesn’t ever want to let go. Even though that is the exact reason he was doing it.

Slipping his hand up to his shoulder and carefully to Gerard’s neck was Frank’s response. Shivers ran from the bare touch--Flesh to Flesh. Another reason was his hands were cold like ice but baby-soft up to his finger tips. He just really missed me, I guess. Nothing more, Nothing less. Gerard assured himself as he rested his own head on Frank’s. Silence. Frank was feuding on if he should tell the truth. Waiting. Gerard was giving time so that Frank was sure about everything--Whatever the hell it was.

Gerard twisted his head a little so that his lips were barely touching the silky brunette hair. He laid a small, sweet kiss down on it lovingly, eyes closing without permission. He didn’t care, he laid another one. Each trailing down close to his ear. Frank was startled, not knowing how to react. Why was Gerard kissing the top of his head? Comfort maybe? Sympathy? Either way, Frank helped Gerard by cocking his head slowly upwards. Should I stop it? Both thought as the smooches grew closer to the skin. Frank’s lips inched open gradually, eyes now closed shut also. Soon, he could feel his friends tobacco stained breath warmly meet with his. Their mouths only centimeters away from each other.

“What did she make you realize?” Gerard asked again, this time in a deep but soft tone. This. And Frank closed the gap from their lips, colliding into the very mouth he had wanted for years. Gerard’s eyes shot open, caught off guard, not having any idea if he should kiss back or not. He wanted to, but why couldn’t he? Finally, reality set in for him, so he returned the kiss and closed his eyes once more.

Then He felt it. He felt Frank’s small lip ring piercing against his own lips. It was thrilling to finally feel the very thing that has been taunting the living hell out of him for a while now! But…He’s kissing his best friend. A GUY best friend. I shouldn’t be doing this…But Probably it’s a one time thing. I’ll enjoy it now before it goes away. Oh god, I want this. Without restrictions, Gerard pushed Frank down on the couch in laying position, not even breaking the lip lock. His strength overruled Frank and Frank knew that very well, so he allowed him to have his way. Frank wanted to literally taste him so his tongue snaked between Gee’s lips as the kiss deepened more and more. In the apartment, the only sound was of the two mouths separating and colliding echoed with whimpers and sighs from the two men.

A few minutes later, Gerard broke the kiss, leaving Frank with puckered lips swollen and red. Their breath was heavy, Gerard was grinning wide and Frank wondered why he had stopped.

“So, answer my damn question. What’d she make you realize?”

“That I wanna fuck you.” His face was straight with no sign that he was joking. It freaked out Gerard a bit because he had never heard those words…EVER that were directed at him. “I love you, but not like a brother. I want you, Gerard. I need you.”

[[I would totally appreciate comments, suggestions, anything. They'll make my day completely. :) ]]

Think happy thoughts [[1/??]]

2007-09-03T22:42:28Z

Title: Think happy thoughts
Author:Mychemicalscars
Pairing: Gerard/Frank
Rating: NC-17
POV: 3rd person
Summary: Being away at art school makes gerard miss home. Going back to Jersey where he has the best Christmas break ever, things change dramatically. Being reunited with his best friend, things certainly take a large shift.
Disclaimer: I don't own them at all, even if I did, I wouldn't be on the computer right now.
Author Notes: This story is dedicated to the love of my life, my twin, my puppy: Brianna. I love you to death, my dearest. This story is also dedicated to my #1 fan club members: Melody, Alex, Crystal, Marie, Jenn, and Moosie
Warnings: Boy love, sappy ass shit, everything that makes up a fan fiction.

::ONE::

His craving was powerful, like nothing he ever felt before, and it was haunting him constantly. Gerard twisted restlessly upon his bed kicked off of it’s sheets. It seemed every time he stayed still for just a moment, he would be there; The fantasy, clear as a bell, leaving him to feel dirty and guilty. A pathetic whimper escapes his rose colored lips while he attempted to snuggle into the depth of his pillow, and shutting his eyes to force sleep. It never came.

It was 3a.m. Darkness loomed around his apartment like the cloud of poison from the movie ‘10 commandments’ , where all of the first born children were killed when the pharaoh of Egypt claimed there was no god. It left Gerard scared, as scared as he was when he saw that movie. Heartbroken and having the urge to pray constantly, confess his sins and be…somewhat holier than before. It turned out to become an obsessive compulsive subject and he was forced to lighten the load a bit. It was hard to sleep at night because of it. It was still hard to sleep at night because of him.

The phone rang abruptly in the dead silence, causing Gerard to jolt up in sitting position, startled. He tried hard to breathe, like every breath had violently been sucked out of his black lungs due to the scare. Shaking it off, he reached for the phone that was hooked on the charger, flashing 3:14a.m. in a red neon light every couple of seconds. He greeted the person on the other line with a soft hello. He waited--There’s a long pause.

“Hey Gerard.” A deep voice said, more like a question than a statement or greeting.

“Who’s this?”

“Frank” A chill ran through Gerard’s bare back as it was pronounced. Millions of questions invaded his poor mind like a kingdom of bees protecting their precious queen and hive from harm. What was he doing calling this late? Did something happen? Did he just want to talk? 3 a.m.? That’s absurd. Who would call randomly in the middle of the night? Not like he was sleeping anyways….

“Frank? What’s up, dude?” His voice was shaky and low, and he could feel the nerves fire up vigorously as Frank started to speak. He bit his lip, trying hard to swallow those nerves as much as he could.

“Just wanted to call and check up. It’s been hard here in Jersey without you. Mikes and I miss ya like crazy. How’s New York?” Somehow he felt relieved. Nothing bad, nothing to worry about. He was touched that he would call this late just to tell him that. Maybe he knew something, or hiding something and just made an excuse.
“It’s good, I guess. Art school has been a great pain in the ass. At least Cartoon Network is looking over my application now.”

“Dude! Are you serious?! I’m so proud of you!”

“Don’t get too excited, I might just get rejected.”

“I highly doubt that. I believe you’ll succeed and be the best out there!” Frank was always there for Gerard, despite the distance or obstacles they faced. He appreciated the friendship they had, hoping it’ll last for a long time, maybe even to their death beds. Side-by-side, underground in the confined houses for eternity, buried under soil and grass; Where their lasting apparitions roam and wander aimlessly in the mist of the graveyard. They would talk about that a lot when the subject was brought up. Gerard truly admired Frank--Very closely loved him; But in a way Frank can never feel the same way about him. He shakes the thought out of his mind and basks in Frank’s everlasting compliment.

“You flatter me too much, Frank.”

“It’s true!” He emphasized in a high-pitched tone that made Gerard half-smile because of how adorable it was. And Oh god was he adorable. More beautiful than cute. Gerard noticed this strongly once Frank and him both were fully grown up, having been together since god-knows-when. He would always notice Frank’s twinkling golden eyes, shaped round and shone breathtakingly. Those eyes would set upon him in adoration when they were talking face-to-face. His pierced ears would cling eagerly to every word he had to say. The full lips were of a seductive vampire, desiring to kiss it’s desired spot on the neck of choice and separating to allow his teeth to sink in for the delicious blood. Gerard wanted those lips badly and to feel how soft and warm it felt against his own lips--His flesh. The sting of his lip ring would make things more exciting for him, being able to finally play with it with his tongue (something he would always dream about when he saw it). A foul blast of his libido would make him want to take Frank right then and there. His small body writhing under him--His mouth utters ‘no’ but those beautiful eyes scream ‘yes’ in sheer passion, ecstasy, sheer lust. He caves in, unable to fight Gerard and revealing his hidden salacious side Gerard never knew about--But is dying to get a taste of.

Gerard snapped out of his trance by hearing: “Gerard?” He cowered unnoticeably and assured Frank he was still there.

“I’m sorry I called so late though….It’s just…I miss you a whole lot and you know how I am: If I want something really bad, Nothing will stop me from getting it.” That was all true to Gerard. It slightly disappointed him that if Frank had any affections for him, he would’ve told him before he left at the airport. He saw how much he failed to speak over the river of tears he shed, how much he clung on him and begged for him not to go. He wrapped his small arms around his body, thinking that would weigh Gerard down from stepping any further to the line into the plane. It broke Gerard’s heart that he didn’t say anything to him that day in the port. It was hard enough that he loved him to pieces and didn’t know how to confess; or never gave the chance for Frank to confess either. It was all in due time that he would end up saying it and ruin everything. He pushed that thought aside, as if it was a horrid memory.

“I know, I know. I couldn’t get much sleep tonight either, so no biggie.”

“Are you serious? What’s wrong?”

“Oh, nothing. Just nerves pretty much” He lied swiftly to his best friend. The one person he didn’t keep any secrets from; The one person who knew him inside out.

“Don’t worry, okay? Whatever happens, happens, ya know? If you don’t get accepted in that job, then screw them and come back to Jersey with us.”

“I would LOVE to go back and see you and Mikey; the family, too. It’s just…art is my passion. I don’t know how to tear myself away from this huge chance.”

“As much as I want to say ‘hell no, come back!’ I won’t. Because I want what’s best for you.”

“You’re the best. I don’t deserve you at all.”

“Gee, I love you to death. We’ve been best friends for years, how could you say that?” Gerard’s heart leaped once he said ‘I love you to death’ Wondering if that comment was out of brotherhood or…lovers. He feuded on if he should say it back, hiding the real meaning behind it. But no, Frank might see through it and ask questions. He forced a laugh and shook his head.

“I don’t know. I love you more than life itself…but I still have my self consciousness” There, he said he loved him. Now time for his witty response, ridicule, anything! Even though the hope of Frank understanding what he meant was still in question, still in idle.

“Are we going sappy over there in New York or is it just me?” That was it. Gerard lost that hope instantly, throwing it down and stomping on it until it would magically burst into frenzy of wild fire. He was almost angry at Frank for saying such a thing. He knew he was joking around, but he was serious about saying he loved him. Nice going, smart ass, Gerard thought, You’re no match for him. He’s gorgeous and you--you’re just a waste of space.

Frank noticed that Gerard was reticent, not even a small chuckle escaped his lips like they usually would.

“Man, I’m sorry…I know you must be a little bummed…”

“’bout what?” A strong wave of panic rushed through his body as he asked. He wasn’t bummed about anything except his friend’s misunderstanding of the ‘I love you’.

“Ya know, that Cartoon Network thing. I shouldn’t make fun of you at a time like this. Besides, I can do that when you visit New Jersey again!” Frank was hopeful that Gerard would accede and tell him the plans of arriving in the NJ airport again. But again, Gerard stayed silent.

“Something’s bothering you…I know it. Don’t back away from it, okay? I’m all ears” Gerard accepts his suggestion with a hum from his throat, more of an attempt to say “okay” but his mouth refused to open for him. He moistened his dry, chapped lips, snaking his tongue over it and letting out a long sigh.

“Wow, it must be bad.”

“Hell…it really is.”

“Aren’t you going to tell me then?”

“Hey, look…I have class later on…can I talk to you later?”

“Not until you tell me what the hell is wrong with you.”

“Okay, I love you, buh-bye!” And he hung up without waiting for Frank’s response. Gerard knew he was cursing him out just then, he knew Frank was clueless of what was wrong, wanting to know badly. But what he doesn’t know is, he already told him what was wrong with him. He was just to blind to see.

Frank Looks at the phone with narrowed eyes, frustrated with his best friend’s stubborn ways. Gerard was always stubborn, but with Frank’s motive to get what he wants, that stubbornness lowered a tiny bit. He tossed the white shelled phone to the side of his bed, looking up meaninglessly at the ceiling in deep thought. He wanted to say he loved Gerard back…He wanted to say he loved him more than life itself, too. But his witty, sarcastic comeback was like a reflex; It was more than irrevocable until he gets the nerves to confess his love and admiration for his best friend--Something he’s been hiding for a while now, too scared, too pussy to even spill the words to Gerard. So much for “If I want something really bad, Nothing will stop me from getting it” Frank thought, switching positions in bed to get comfortable. God, Frank. You’re a stupid fuck…STUPID, STUPID, STUPID! Why can’t you tell him!! The only thing he wanted the most WAS Gerard, so why is it so hard to get him? 3 simple words and an explanation is nothing, right? It’s not like Gee has a girlfriend, but sadly Frank does.
Frank groans and closes his eyes that were already heavy from lack of sleep. Soon, he drifts off into a soft slumber, thinking of the different scenarios that might happen if he confessed, even with his girlfriend ceasing to know.

* * *

Frank’s eyes flutter open 6 hours after Gerard hung up on him. Instead of getting up out of bed to start the morning off, he thought of his best friend again. He tries to remember the first day they met:

It was a chilly morning in New Jersey, as it always was this time of year. It was October the 1^st-- just 30 days until Frank’s 14^th birthday.

Frank made his way to the bus stop, every day getting there exactly at 7:30a.m. to wait for his school’s bus to drive up to the curb. Sometimes he had to wait, sitting on the cold bench wet of the dew falling drop by drop from the tree above it. He wrapped himself tight with his rain jacket, hoping to get some warmth out of it. Failing, he groans and rubs his arms with the palms of his hands as aggressively as he could.

“It is pretty cold, isn’t it?” A voice said from beside him. He looked over at the owner of that voice to see a teenage boy, probably a few years older than he was. He had raven black hair that feathered lightly over his eyes--Which were a beautiful hazel-green color. His complexion was pale, milky white that glowed with the few rays that escaped the prison of the black clouds.

He was hunched over his thighs, steadying himself by placing his elbows on both. One hand was holding a cigarette already lit. A few ashes were tapped off, falling and sizzling once they hit the soaked concrete.

“I hate the cold.” Frank murmured, keeping his chattering teeth tamed as he said it. The man beside him nodded his head in agreement and took a long drag from the nicotine stick. He cleared his throat and sniffles, scrunching up his nose at the same time. Frank focused on his Adam’s Apple, gliding up and down under his marble structured neck as he swallowed. That man was more than beautiful to Frank. Even though his feelings about being bisexual or gay was on idle for the time being, he was sure enough attracted to the older boy that looked even more rebellious than any other guy he had met. He looked exotic in a way, holding the very features of a vampire, or something from a fantasy.

The man looked up at him with stunning, piercing eyes similar to a feline. “So, what school you go to?”

“Uhm…Thompson.”

“Still in middle school, eh?”

“Sadly…”

“8^th grade?”

“Of course.”

“You honestly look like you belong in elementary.”

“I’ve been told that a lot.” Frank snarled at him, but forced a smile once he saw the man giggle. His giggle is adorable, Frank thought excitedly with a chuckle.

“So…what grade are you in?”

“I guess you can say 11^th.”

“Dude, really? You’re fuckin’ old!”

“You’re fuckin’ young, that’s what!” They were both facing each other now, eye-to-eye contact, leaning towards one another. They burst into a fit of laughter once the joke set in, seeing how funny it was. Frank was mostly admiring the man’s laugh, keeping his low and not the usual squeal of a guffaw. It dies down soon once the man takes a small drag and blowing it out in perfect O’s. Frank was undeniably amused by the O’s floating gracefully into the cold air. He stared at one drifting off but was interrupted when the man catches his attention.

“You want a smoke?”

“I …don’t smoke.”

“Why not?”

“Just not my thing.”

“Your mom told you not to, huh?”

“Hmnh no! She doesn’t give a shit what I do!”

“Then, here, try one. It won’t hurt.”

Frank stared at the cigarette held out in front of him. He wanted to protest, keeping the advice and lectures from many adults to heart, but he also wanted to impress this rebellious boy as much as he could. Maybe even be friends with him. Slowly but surely, he takes the cigarette between his small fingers, holding it away from him as if it was going to pop. The man grinned and clicked his disposable lighter at the end of the stick, soon enough lighting it fully.

“Go on, Bro.”

“The name’s Frank.”

“Go on, FRANK, take a drag.”

Frank shakes his head.

“Ohh come on! Don’t be a fuckin’ pussy.”

“I’m not a pussy, you mother fucker!”

“The name’s Gerard.” Gerard says with a even wider grin, showing his amazingly straight white teeth.

“I’m not a pussy, GERARD!” Laughter swelled. “Okay, fine. If I don’t like it, then can you get off my back?”

“I’m not even on your back in the first place, but go ahead, smoke it”

Frank looked at the cigarette for a moment, brought it up to his lips, inhaling the nicotine smoothly. But not as smoothly when he coughs out violently of the burning smoke.

“It burns!”

“You’ll get used to it.”

“To hell I wont!”

“You know what? I like you. You’re a good kid. But my bus is here” Frank looked up at the bus pulling up, catching a glimpse of Gerard standing up to board it. “I’ll talk to ya later! Smoke that drag, don’t waste it. Got that?” He points a finger at Frank sternly, throwing his own stub onto the sidewalk.

Frank nodded.

“Good.” And he left, disappearing in the back of the yellow bus full of students.

From then on, Frank and Gerard have been smoking together. It’s been the best thing ever for Frank: meeting Gerard at a bus stop, having his first nicotine experience with him. And Gerard kept to his word; Every time the both of them were waiting for their ride, they would talk non-stop about their favorite hobbies, comics, music, et cetera. He even arrived at Frank’s birthday party on Halloween, not even bothering to dress up for the occasion; Only wearing black and deep eyeliner smudged around his eyes, complimenting the unique hazel. Frank’s parents were gone, so all the kids that were there shared booze and cigarettes snuck in by several older boys. That very day was the day Gerard was ultimately proud of his younger friend taking in the harmful substances into his body just to impress him--And he did impress him with flying colors.

Frank rose from bed, finally having enough dosage of the memorabilia. A smile was painted across his face as he reviewed every single memory of Gerard from 6 years ago.

“Gah, that year was the year I had my first hang over. That sucked shit.” Frank whispered to himself, walking through his apartment and into the kitchen. A craving for a drag came over him, making him look around for the pack of Malboro smokes, practically going insane when he couldn’t get a hold of them fast enough.

After a few minutes, he found his breakfast, tightly packed in the back pocket of his jeans that laid firm on the floor.
“All Gerard’s fault.” He laughed, slipping one out, lighting it and inhaling the tobacco hungrily.

This is odd, I don't know what the hell i'm doing!

2007-09-03T19:01:09Z

Alright! Alright! I don't know what to do here...now that i'm finally on LIVEJOURNAL after all these months of lurking around finding worthy Frerard fics. I even forgot how to HTML code. Isn't that stupid? I FORGOT! Ever since Neopets, I don't remember anything. I used to be cool...HTML coding on neopets every damn day...CHYEAH! CHYEAH! I was COOL!

-pause-

Sure. Anyways, I want to try and figure out how to submit my story. I'm scared though...

-is scared-

And I'm off!!

I'm sorry, this picture makes me happy. It's dedicated to Brianna--My wifey, the love of my...lifey